"On the First Day, tens of thousands waited hours and packed the National Mall to hear his inaugural speech. They were so cold, tired and hungry. Obama brought forth two McDonald's Filet-O-Fish sandwiches and five burger buns, broke them and distributed these among the people. All were nourished, with plenty of scraps left over for the starving Republicans.

The next day, Obama journeyed to the tomb of the Republican Party, which had shot itself repeatedly in the foot until it died. There in the shadowy rocks, Barack bent over the corpses of commentators Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and breathed new life into them.

"Rise, my good friends!" cried Barack. "I give you purpose! Rise and flap your gums, call me socialist and enrich yourselves. Blame me, though George Bush started the federal bailouts. Rise and prosper!"

And they did as they were told. They had new life and plenty of money.

On the Third Day, he bid adieu to Chicago Mayor Richard Daley, who'd spent the night at the White House to make sure things would run smoothly. This was proper, since years ago, the Daley women found the infant Barack floating in a reed basket along the banks of the Chicago River. They nurtured the crying babe, until he was ready to transcend the politics of the past.

Obama spent the Fourth Day pondering getting a dog for daughters Sasha and Malia. Journalists were so enraptured, so turgid with glee about the dog, they forgot to ask if he'd walk Bo and scoop up his legacies with a plastic bag from the Jewel like every other American dad. And things were good.

On the Fifth Day, Gov. Blagojevich sent the president a life-size wooden puppet named Roland. Barack placed his palm on the puppet's forehead, and lo, the puppet became a United States senator. And the Democrats, with a solid majority, were amazed.

For seven more days it continued, one miracle after another. The president picked the Steelers in the Super Bowl. They won. He submitted an $885 billion stimulus plan to Congress. The money was printed. He nominated a tax cheat for secretary of the Treasury. The tax cheat was confirmed."

20-Year Trends Accelerate Forecast

"In a dramatic acceleration of forecasts for global warming, UK scientists say the global average temperature could rise by 4C (7.2F) as early as 2060.

The Met Office study used projections of fossil fuel use that reflect the trend seen over the last 20 years.

....Richard Betts of the Met Office Hadley Centre described himself as "shocked" that so much warming could occur within the lifetimes of people alive today.

Dr. Betts went on to say, "Key to the Met Office calculations was the use of projections showing fossil fuel use continuing to increase as it has done for the last couple of decades. Previously we haven't looked at the impact of burning fossil fuels so intensely."

"If greenhouse gas emissions are not cut soon then we could see major climate changes within our own lifetimes," he said.

"Four degrees of warming averaged over the globe translates into even greater warming in many regions, along with major changes in rainfall."